To be honest, I’ve been feeling uneasy these days. And I remember one thing in my head when I’m starting to write this: I always, always want to be a wiser, happier person each day. Perhaps back to blogging is the best option to express some of my deepest thoughts and put my mind at ease when I have to deal with the unpleasant moment… assuming that only blogs that don’t have RULES TO WRITE A PIECE, just like how useful a diary to me when I was only 10.
Now, admit it–everyone has ever felt extremely irritated to somebody at some stage in their lives. Human is consistently facing emotional distress, day to day, in many ways. Like facing that greedy boss that made you have to keep up at work not only with overloaded tasks but also their personal anger. Or that annoying person that thinks you are dumb enough to be fooled at. Or you got cheated by your ex-girlfriend who thinks you’re not doing enough effort for her. Or, you got your money ripped off by somebody that, um, smart enough to fool you…. (oops)
“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no trouble, no noise, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all these things and still be calm in your heart.” – Unknown
The way our brain works might be similar, but the way we react and express things are different (and that’s the beauty of human beings anyway). Then how should we deal with this? No, I’m not telling you to take a deep breath, I know you already did…
- RESPECT OTHERS (AND YOURSELF)
Everyone needs and deserves respect, regardless of how much they expect and how much effort they give to do the same thing to others. But I always believe it is the best way to prevent a conflict. By putting respect, we treat others with consideration to other’s feelings. Think about this: what if there’s a misunderstanding behind the chaos?
If you don’t respect others, you forgot the good things they possess. In a relationship, for example, communication breakdown could happen due to loss of respect. You and your partner (or friends) might constantly argue over a silly thing. While in the workplace, a quality of work could suffer because qualified people are mistreated. Now what we might miss most of the time is: respecting others shouldn’t rely on how we feel, but rather based on objective perspective towards a person. Do otherwise – we might be biased.
At the same time, the value of self-respect is something that we should take into account too. Self-respect is the best preventive ways to get mistreated or taken for granted, but don’t take it too far. Think of it as a way to set your values and boundaries, not to let your ego wins.
- DON’T LET SOCIAL MEDIA CREATE ANOTHER CHAOS
I will have to admit; I do express myself on social media sometimes (and a lot when I was younger). Why? Because I’m one of those typical people that never love the idea of confronting people, so putting it into words is the best option I could think of. Although, being offensive is not my favourite – I’d rather throw myself out there as a fool than being a “digi-douchebag”, seriously.
A study in the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking stated that people who use Facebook more than once a day are more likely to report relationship conflicts arising from social media. Let alone an offensive status, a negative unknown comment itself could also distressing any propaganda (probably this is why Facebook don’t create a dislike button). So when you’re being emotional and post an offensive status about something, or someone, you might hurt somebody else’s feelings when you least expect it. Accept it, everyone thinks in different ways!
- DISTANCE YOURSELF TO KNOW YOU BETTER
I am a social person, but I love my solitude especially when I feel overwhelmed with feelings and things. This is the way I “stop and evaluate” all the biased judgement I have in mind. Maybe it’s me? Maybe I haven’t done the right thing?
“What’s really blocking our joy in relationships, our creativity, and our peace of mind? One surprising answer, in this age of alienation, is a lack of solitude.” – Ester Buchholz in “Psychology Today”
I think everyone should experience at least one period of solitude. The better you know yourself, the easier you can make some decisions and resolve a conflict. If I could stack a pile of articles about “finding yourself in solitude” or “the importance of knowing yourself” that I’ve previously read since I reached my early 20s, you will understand why I love a “me-time”. It doesn’t mean I’ll be going for an expensive manicure down the city (but you could if you like), but being alone in my room and reading some articles could calm me down. You could maybe walk out to the nearest beach, embark on a very short solo trip, or perhaps get a cup of coffee or a slice of your favourite cake. Seriously, give yourself a space to resolve things. I’ve never seen a wise people looking for their friends for the sake of having fun during conflicts.
- UNDERSTAND OTHERS (OR NOT)
One thing I always learned is that understanding is the key to calm down a situation. People have different lives, encounter different situations, and shaped with different values. It doesn’t mean that you really have to understand their situation, but at least try to give a bit of understanding in order to release them from your accusation, and release you from feeling distressed.
- DO YOUR HOBBY (OR PICK UP NEW HOBBY)
After taking a moment of solitude, try to pick up on a hobby just because it calms you down. This always helped me a lot. It doesn’t have to be your old hobby that you’re already good at; it could also be a new hobby to engage your mind in positive things. Letting yourself stuck in a complicated mind for so long will only make you feel more overwhelmed. Get your hands on sports or yoga, write some new articles, make some crafts, learn to play music–any that could possibly leave you feeling satisfied.
- FORGIVE AND MOVE ON
“Forgiveness adorns a soldier. Forgiving is the best revenge you can do to an enemy. Forgiving is the attribute of the strong, the weak can never forgive. Forgiveness makes you at peace and gives you an upper hand. Forgiveness is not accepting the bad done to you, it is to love the person who give pain. It is to remove the bitterness from deep within the heart and life.” – Kusum, listovative.com
Letting go of your grudges is the last option to get back to your serenity. People make mistakes, you make mistakes, so let us all take our lessons and move on. Let the positive exceed the negative. Not to prepare for revenge, but to carry on your life and make meanings. Think again – hatred and thoughts of fights keep your thoughts tied to that person, so why letting them control you?
“It was only when scientists were willing to accept their confusion instead of fleeing from it and only when they changed the questions they were asking, only then could they discover the insights and formulations that gave them great new capacity.” – Margaret Wheatley
Author’s last note: I’m not here to preach. I’m here to share my thoughts with any of you who currently might face the same situation like me–who sense the feeling of annoyance at its peak. But whatever the reason is, don’t get caught up on blaming it on others. It’s not them that needs to get better, it’s you that will get better. It’s YOU, that needs serenity…
SundaySerenades 